From Inner Grief to Inner Greatness: How Spirited Self-Love Changed My Life
Over the last 7 days on Instagram I have been sharing some insights into my personal life and how my own personal relationship with myself and self-love (and what I teach in She is Fierce) has shaped who I am today. Because I realized something..
All of those juicy life moments that leave me feeling fulfilled and on purpose every time I look back on them - they all happened just moments after taking my relationship to myself to the next level.
They all happened just moments after deciding to take my own self-love into my own hands and make it my superpower.
And every single step I took towards a stronger relationship with myself, triggered a domino effect of spirit-fuelled love into almost every single area of my life.
So in the hope that it inspires you to take your own first step, or even just that next step which feels mighty huge right now, I’ve collated the #selflovefor7days posts below for you to dig into and re-frame your perspective around the relationship you currently have with your inner fierce, your spirit, soul, greatness, highest self – whatever you want to call it!
1 // Self-love helped me say good-bye to a destructive relationship and follow my heart overseas
This feels quite hard to share, but here goes. About 7 years ago, I was in a relationship that fuelled my self-hate. Where his words said ‘I love you’, his actions said the opposite, and I believed it was all I was worthy of. I put myself through humiliation, pain, lying and cheating because I didn’t love myself enough to see past it. It took a split second of considering self-harm to recognise I was no longer who I thought I was… to recognise I didn’t want to live this way anymore. And so without even knowing what it meant to love yourself or have a good relationship with yourself, I simply said “no more.” And I asked myself one question - “What would you tell your best friend to do in this situation?”.
And that's what I did. I got myself out of the relationship. I put my energy into other things and I started saving money so I could travel. So I could change my circumstances and do something different. Because even as a confused, hurting and self-hating young woman, I knew that if I wanted things to be different, I had to do things differently. So I got a visa for Canada, threw myself into a world I had never experienced, and followed by heart overseas based on nothing more than a hunch and a desire for things to be different. And that is where my whole self-love journey began - with that one decision. And as you’ll read in the rest of these posts, this one decision to ACT and put self-love in my own hands triggered everything else magical that has happened in my life to date.
2 // Self-love helped me find my spirit and then meet the man of my dreams
6 months into my soul-searching adventure and I still had no idea what self-love even was. All I knew then, was that I was doing what I wanted to do and in my true stubborn and persistent form, I was prepared to try anything to separate myself from the girl who once chose suffering. And so I partied, taught myself to snowboard, shared epic experiences with friends and strangers alike. No direction, no goal - just driven to test the waters and experiment with what I could do, what I wanted, and what mattered most. Turns out, that was all I needed to do to finally ‘meet her’…My Spirit. My Inner Fierce.
I distinctly remember sitting in a seedy bar in Canada the moment I found ‘her' for the first time. Feeling misplaced, sober and surrounded by so many lost souls, I sat alone in silence catching my breath after dancing, as i caught myself smiling and felt something I had never felt before; An inner peace, a gentle acknowledgment, a blissful knowing - of absolute acceptance in that moment. Where was this coming from?? If only I knew then, how much that feeling was about to amplify beyond my imagination. All I knew in that moment was that my life now looked radically different - ‘I’ looked radically different, and I liked it and wanted more. And perfectly timed, as though it could only ever happen when my spirit felt nourished enough to come forward and be acknowledged, I was guided towards the love of my life soon after. And I say ‘guided’ because that is truly how it felt.
With this new ‘spirit’ activated inside of me, I felt like I was no longer unclear or indecisive - I was finally able to distinguish between my head and my heart. This ‘knowing’ that resided inside of me was breathing for the first time and pulling me towards everything I needed. I had no fucking idea how it would turn out or whether or not I was even worthy of it, but I found the courage to just go with it. And he moved back to Sydney with me 4 months later..
3 // My spirit helped me redefine health, lose 15 kgs and reconnect with my body
With this vibrant spirit of mine now awake and feeling heard, I felt this deep pull to correct a misalignment; my Inner Fierce and newly born zest for life was in no way reflected in how I treated my body nor how it felt. I'd been the fat kid all my life, had no idea about health and nutrition, saw food as my enemy, and never knew I had the spirit to help me change that. But now, I had found her and I was in love with how she had supported me in life so far, and all she wanted was to feel strong and well, housed by a supporting foundation, not a sick and tired one. I knew that I would never truly get to experience her full power and magnificence in the state I was in.
So with a simple declaration and a commitment to 'her', I began to follow my curiosities, and things started to flow. Again, in divine timing, a friend shared a page on Facebook which lead me to a new blog, which lead me to a guest interview with the late Jess Ainscough and it was there that everything changed. Like I was being set free from a limitation I had my whole life. First came the green juices, then the first step into the yoga room and gym class, the guided meditations, and then the deep sense of pride and empowerment that came from knowing I could actually enjoy food and be healthy!! Hello raw chocolate!!
In a year dedicated to simply asking my soul and body what it needed, and fueling it instead of depriving it, I became the most fit, well and nourished version of myself I had ever been. No counting calories, no deprivation, no pain, no boring food... Just the pure enthusiasm, excitement and curiosities of my spirit as she showed me how to feel alive and be connected to my body for the first time ever! I felt unstoppable - as though my life was beginning to feel aligned, rich in reverence and full of purpose. And just as our Inner Fierce does, it continued to guide me through to the many other life altering experiences that were now available to me..
4 // My spirit helped me manage my anxiety
Worry, panic, uncertainty, fear, stress - it was all part of the manic state that caught me off guard at times, especially in new and exciting adventures that were meant to be enjoyed, not endured. After a couple of years now digging into my own personal growth and relationship to myself, I had found my feet again, I'd found love, and I'd reconnected with my body in a way I had not before. I was hungrier than ever to explore and experience everything this world had to offer. And so my love and I set off on an epic 9 month adventure around the world. It was an experience I will cherish forever. It was also when I truly understood how much work I was yet to do on myself - in particular my mind. Where my spirit and body were now bursting with excitement to try everything, my mind was finding it hard and it left me feeling anxious so much of the time. I knew what my heart wanted, but I had not yet learnt how to master the ego and it's worrying ways. I would work myself up so often, relying heavily on meditation and mind games to keep me in check. I even had a panic attack at the final step of our 4 day Machu Picchu hike.
But through constant connection and communication with the spirit that brought me here, I was finally able to realise the root of my worry; all fear based, caught up in old stories of who I thought I 'should' be as a traveler, and all the things I 'should' be able to do. And with her help, I learnt to strip away those lies and false identities, and dismantle the cause for my anxiety. And I was able to actually see the world from her eyes. Since then, she has continued to help me manage my stress, anxious moments and fear-based thoughts; my spirit, my Inner Fierce, is my guiding light and she always brings me home. Our ego is a fine piece of work, and whilst she means well, it can be hard to truly say no to her when you have not yet nurtured a deep love and respect for the spirit that lives inside you.
5 // My Spirit helped me say 'Yes' to moving my life up north and starting from scratch
By this stage, I had learnt to feel into my spirit and nurture her, whilst anchoring into her for support at all times. The way my spirit longed to see me stretch into the most amazing version of myself empowered me and helped me get super clear on what I valued and stood for; Love. Adventure. Freedom. And so when my partner reconnected with his own spirit and reawakened his love for the career he was always meant to live, I didn’t hesitate one bit to say YES when put forward the idea of moving our home from Sydney up to North QLD so he could become a full-time uni student and follow his passions in Marine Biology.
My devotion and commitment to leaning inwards and finding security within myself over the years, was now once again enabling me to lean further into life. Throwing ourselves into a move across the country to start friendships, jobs, careers, and lives all over again - because our Inner Fierce told us that we could. We risked whether or not we would ever again be financially stable, job secure, amongst close friends or simply happy up there - because our spirits communicated to us every minute of the way that this was our purpose.
Enthusiasm and excitement filled our chest. Despite the fear, we couldn’t help but smile. Despite the pain of having to go back to hospitality work to pay for the groceries, we went to bed with a full heart. This was the kind of move that makes no logical sense, but feels clear and whole in the heart. The kind of life that feels rich, adventurous, free and full of love, regardless of what the physical circumstances are. This is what it means to me to live a spirited life. And as time went on, we continued to be reminded of that..
6 // My Spirit helped me start a new career, find my passion and become an entrepreneur
Living a spirited life is to believe and be engaged with the fact that anything is possible. That Life is a constant learning opportunity; a canvas that you can choose to paint over and over again in whatever way your soul calls for. Up to this point, I had followed my curiosities; followed the breadcrumbs left by my spirit leading me towards the parts of myself yet to be explored. I had started writing about our travels during the around the world trip, to keep family in the loop (and to be honest, to ensure I never forgot the memories!). I had always hated writing at school, but I quickly learnt that that was no longer true. Because for the first time, I was writing from my spirit - I was writing what I felt, what I learnt, what I knew needed to be shared.
So I started my own blog on travel, health and life (the same one you see now) and I shared my spirit on this platform whilst I studied health and lifestyle coaching - another call from my spirit that I couldn’t ignore. And a blog and study turned into meeting an amazing online community that blew my mind, which turned into meeting and working with clients for the first time. And this bit… WOAH! THIS is when I really felt what my Inner Fierce was capable of. Not just in service to me; but to everyone it touched!
I have learnt an incredible lesson over the last year and a half of coaching and that is how criminal it is to let your ego stand in the way of your spirit’s service to the world. It’s one thing for it to limit your own actions and experience, but another to let it deny hungry souls of the soul food that only you can provide. It might be in the form of your creativity, communication, work, love, generosity or kindness - but regardless of the expression, your spirit is waiting at the bit for you to back the fuck away and let it do the work it was put here to do. And this realisation, is life-changing!
7 // My Spirit helped me embrace my inner greatness
GREATNESS. This is a word that just won’t leave me alone. And I know why. I realized..
My own inner greatness IS my spirit.
To live a life of greatness IS living a life from my spirit.
Having a fucking great life IS about having a spirited life.
The two words are synonymous. Same goes for a whole host of other rad words we use day to day to describe the life we want to lead. For me, I long to live FIERCE. In abundance of greatness, led by spirit, bursting at the seams with love and intention. And what all of these words have in common, is that they describe living life as your best, highest, most amazing self.
You can use whatever word you want to describe that for yourself. You can choose to feed that part of you however you want to. All I care about is that you have the balls to acknowledge it exists, own it and say yes to accessing it and using it at every chance you get. Because that is what is means to me to live a life of greatness. And the people that do that are the exact people that I want to be around, help and see shine in the world.
You and me are exactly the same people. We are on the same level, all here as equals on this planet. But it is our CHOICES that determine whether we will live from this place of inner greatness or not. Whether we will choose to be worthy of it, whether we will choose to tap into it, and whether we will actually take the time to get to know it.
Your inner greatness is trying to communicate with you every single moment of the day. She is giving you everything you need to achieve your dreams, be the person you want to show up as, say what you need to say, go where you want to go, and do all that you want to do. She is trying to lead you and show you her power. Your power. But if you’re not willing to get to know her and strengthen your trust and relationship with her, how can you truly ever get to know what she is capable of?
Living a life of limitless potential starts with getting to know the source of that potential. Getting to you know YOU. That is what I am all about. I desire greatness everyday. I command it. And I will settle for nothing less.
And my relationship to my own Inner Greatness, Inner Fierce, Spirit, has taught me just how true this is for me. This is something I have never been so sure of in my life! In a world of information overload, and opinions and perspectives flying at us left, right and centre at all times – having clarity on what it is you stand for, desire and command in your life – that shit is GOLDEN. And I will also tribute that clarity to the relationship I have with myself.
If greatness and living fierce is at the core of what you envision for your life, then you have under 48 hours left to join me for my group coaching program, She Is Fierce. Rego closes at 9am AEST Friday 25 September. If you have any questions about the program or have any issues with the coaching times or dates, please email me and we can discuss – if you want this for yourself, I will make it happen for you!